Sunday, June 26, 2011

못해


Even if I remove my makeup, I can't do it without tears anymore
Even if the makeup flows down, I'm used to that

Even if I get a call, I can't look at it
Even if I close my eyes, I can't think of anything except your face

I can't even eat because I might think of you
Because I might not be able to digest after you left
Even today I live with tears

I can't listen to the music because it might be a story of you and me
Because they might be like us, I can't do anything
I can't live alone without you

Now I even pick up the phone thinking it might be you
Even though I know it's not you, I wish it was you

Please stop, you are all I have
What am I going to do, I can't do anything alone

I can't even eat because I might think of you
Because I might not be able to digest after you left
Even today I live with tears

I can't listen to the music because it might be a story of you and me
Because they might be like us, I can't do anything
I can't live alone without you

I can't, I can't, I need your love

What's the point of living alone, I'm your girl
I can't do anything without you, I know only you
I can't do anything without you
I can't even die because you might return
I can't do anything without you, I can't live alone without you


p/s:i've running to far away.
i dont even know where i am right now,
or why am i standing here.
i'm running away from everyone,
from everything.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

flu



some say,it will only hurt for a while,
just like a momentary flu.



so when will this flu heal?




p/s:too much dose of slow songs,is harmful to heart.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

congratulation!

sometimes,some people just don't have any common sense.
when a girl just fell down,and then she tried her best to stand up again.
joke around and laugh a bit because of her failure
and of course,because she's a girl.
she might cry,
complaining this and that.
but she's trying alone to stand up,
without even asking anyone to help her.

and towards someone like that,
not even offers any help,
you stand around her,
and make fun of her,
laugh at her,
saying how stupid she is,
saying that she just can't never stand up again.

she's not asking anyone to feel sorry for her,
but if you're not gonna give any help,
just shut up,and walk away.

congratulation!*clap clap clap*
you really know how to pour salt on someone's wound!
keep on trolling and have fun!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

to-do-list

things to do until the beginning of August

1.lab
2.lab report
3.lab exams
4.classes
5.mock pharmacy rehearsal
6.mock pharmacy test
7.drug therapy exam
8.lab again
9.along with final exams,11 papers(and jadual pun tak keluar2,baru tau 3 paper je bila)
10.and lab report
11.lab exam lagi
12.repeat paper for the final exam(mesti kena punya)
13.this is quite important.TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT!(im fat,like really fat compared to these skinny japanese girls arghhh sakit hati,dorg makan mcm ape je byk jugak jugak.i think im a freak now.with the ipod app i wrote down whatever ive eat,all the exercises and do the calorie counting strictly,kalau boleh hari2 nak bawah 1000kcal,tp mmg tipu r kan bley hari2 mcm tu)
14.to practice the guitar(not so important,i can skip this)

you know.sometimes i do hate my life!

kenapa mid term habis 25hb 6 tapi final start 11 hb 7?
kenapa masa final nak kena ade lab n kelas jugak,n lab report,n lab exam?
kenapa ada lab report yg nak kena handwitten but instead of lab report sahaja,kena pulak tulis pasal 35 jenis herba punya details?35 okay,bukan 10 ke.like WHAAAATTTT????!!!
padahal ade exam kot masa tu.
tak boleh ke jadik lebih considerable?duhh-_-"

kenapa paper english nak kena translate dari english pergi japanese?
i dont wanna be a translator.
and i dont even know,if my mark sucks,is that because my english,or my japanese?
perhaps both?
yeah,mmg english mmg semakin tahi dah kalau tak guna,lepastu asik nak kena translate je.
kalau suruh translate pergi bm pun belum tentu boleh buat.
we're not trained to be a translator,and i seriously dont have that skill.

and for some people yg suka kata student kat oversea suka dok perabih duit kerajaan,try meh datang sini tgk how stress you can be,especially if its not an english-speaking country.well,kalau kena campak kat UK sekali pun belum tentu lagi aku cemerlang kan.

its just,stressful.i really wanna learn n study something dalam bahasa ibunda that is malay bukan english pun.how lucky these japanese are that they can learn every single thing in their own language.in fact org dtg negara dia kena belajar bahasa dia.

and its actually reallly stressful.people might say im lucky because i know about 3.2 language;malay,english,japanese,and the other 0.2 might be my korean.tapiiii...bukannya completely fluent pun english and japanese tu.

i just hate the fact that i cant fully understand what the lecturers,the books,the other people said 100%.yup kalau blaja bm pun belum tentu 100% but atleast,when you read it,lagi senang nak melekat kat otak compared to foreign language.

it's soo tiring bila baca buku,other than you memorize the content.you need to also memorize the sentence,and even for japanese lang.u need to memorize the kanji(go google it if you dont know what it is).kalau satu nama disease nak ada sampai 8ketul kanji,yep,i'll end up memorize onle half of it,or maybe semuanya hafal,tapi susunan tunggang langgang.

stress.utk mock pharmacy,kena berckp dgn patient as if you're really a pharmacist.the language barrier really freak me out.memanglah kalau takat borak2 ngan kawan tu boleh,tapi bukan semuanya paham pun.and what if i miss the important part that the patient trying to say to me,what if i cant understand what he/she said?what if she cant understand what im trying to say?what if i cant read the prescription?

everytime when i need to be in group for a presentation or whatever it is,i feel like im suck a burdened for the others.i cant really present fluently in japanese,unless its just reading the text,itupun tersangkut2.

i hate being a burdened to another person.
i hate my stupid,learnt-but-forget look.
i hate it when what achieve doesnt meet my expectation,or other people expectation.
sometime,i really feel stupid.

can i really pass the 6th year entrance exam?can i really be a good pharmacist in the future
sedangkan sekarang pun tiap kali belajar,lepas exam,lupa,dahlah tu,blajar pun bukan sumenye ingat.

im,actually,really,afraid of what will i need to go through in the future.fikir je pun dah penat.you will say'stop complaining and do your work!'

i know,complaining doesnt make anything better,but at least give me some space to express what i feel.

sometime,i do regret,why did i choose to study pharmacy,kat jepun lagi.because it scholarship?yes.i dont wanna use my parents money since the other 5 siblings are still in school.to look cool?maybe.because i love medic?definitely not,in fact i feel like fainting tgk darah byk2 or surgery ke.because i hate physic?this is another yes.i dont think my neurons can digest all the physic theories.i really suck at physic.

tapi, its the way that ive chose.i know,i need to accept that.usaha,doa,tawakal..but because im just a normal human being,yang bukannya maksum.i do have thousands of weakness.antaranya 1.i complained,2.i do feel alone,i need someone to talk with,3.i do feel tired.banyak lagi takkan nak list semua kang sampai esok tak habis tulis.

i might look confident,but im not.
i might look like i need no shoulder,but im not.
the confidence level goes up...and down..up and down...
i even envy my friends that study in Msia,semua sibuk mengejar dekan,while me,nak pass pun nyawa2 ikan.60 marks to pass isnt a joke.

i do feel tired on this long journey.a lot more to go.can i rest for a bit?can someone please lend me your shoulder so that i can lean on you for a while?

complaining,thats all you can do.
enough,amalia.
back to your work.

p/s:힘들어...

Sunday, June 12, 2011

If you see him...

If you see him
Tell him I wish him well
How am I doing?
Well, sometimes is hard to tell
I still miss him more than ever
But please dont say a word
If you see him
If you see him

If you see her
Tell her I'm doing fine
And if you want to
Say that I think of her from time to time
Ask her if she ever wonders
Where we both went wrong
If you see her
If you see her

I still want her
I still need him so
I dont know why we let each other go

If you see her
Tell her the lights still on for her
Nothing's changed
Deep down the fire still burns for him

And even if it takes forever say I'll still be here
If you see him
If you see her
If you see him
If you see her

p/s:I dont know why we let each other go

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Sunday, June 5, 2011

On Rainy days,I'm Always...


On Rainy Days
When the world turns dark
And the rain quietly falls
Everything is still

Even today, without a doubt
I can’t get out of it
I can’t get out from the thoughts of you

Now
I know that it’s the end
I know that it’s all just foolishness
Now I know that it’s not true
I am just disappointed in myself for
Not being able to get a hold of you because of that pride

On the rainy days you come and find me
Torturing me through the night
When the rain starts to stop, you follow
Slowly, little by little, you will stop as well


Now
I erased all of you
I emptied out all of you
But when the rain falls again
All the memories of you I hid with effort
It all comes back, it must be looking for you

On the rainy days you come and find me
Torturing me through the night
When the rain starts to stop, you follow
Slowly, little by little, you will stop as well

To you,Now there is no path for me to return
But looking at your happy face
I will still try to laugh since I was the one
Without the strength to stop you

On the rainy days you come and find me
Torturing me through the night
When the rain starts to stop, you follow
Slowly, little by little, you will stop as well






ALWAYS

I can't even begin to count
All the thoughts I have of you
The light shining in my room quietly searches
For the traces you left behind

Now everything
In this world seems to lose its color
Nothing is certain
But when I'm with you, I want to believe

With just your smile
I felt like I could see tomorrow
If someone was ever hurt
You wouldn't hesitate
To race to their side, I know it

The warmth of your hand, touching my shoulder
I still can't forget it
In the endlessly flowing crowd
We held our breaths and drew close

Love is like the seasons
That continue to change and that's okay
I don't know what tomorrow brings
But when I'm with you, I want to believe

"Goodbye," I wonder if you'll even forget
That night when we saw eternity
Will I be able to smile with you always?
Somewhere, someday, I'll lose you
But until then we'll smile

Even if our days together
Were all a mistake
I don't care anymore, please...

"Goodbye," I wonder if you'll even forget
That night when we saw eternity
Will I be able to smile with you always?

Until that place, that day where I lose you

With just your smile
I felt like I could see tomorrow
If someone was ever hurt
You wouldn't hesitate
To race to their side, I know...





p/s:orang kata,kalau seseorang muncul dalam mimpi kita,
maknanya dia rindukan kita.
i'll prove it wrong.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Hatiku Milikmu


Pernahkah engkau hargai
cintaku yang sejati
pernahkah engkau mengerti
akan diriku ini

Betapa hebatnya cintamu
memberiku sejuta pilu
betapa agungnya asmaramu
membuatku terpaku

Disisimu aku terdiam seribu bahasa
dihatiku bergetar sejuta rasa
namun sukar untuk aku meluahkan
kucinta padamu

Nafasku terhenti bila melihat dirimu
terasa batas degupan jantungku
mungkinkah hatimu milikku jua
kusayang padamu

Kan kuabadikan dikau
suatu kenangan yang manis
yang tak mungkin aku lupa
untuk selamanya

Kan kucoretkan kenanganmu
dalam sanubariku ini
dapat jadi yang terindah
di dalam hidupku ini

Disisimu aku terdiam seribu bahasa
dihatiku bergetar sejuta rasa
namun sukar untuk aku meluahkan
kucinta padamu

Nafasku terhenti bila melihat dirimu
terasa batas degupan jantungku
mungkinkah hatimu milikku jua
kusayang padamu

Bagai bahtera yang dilanda badai
Gelora cintamu
Mengoncang jiwaku
Berombak mencari
Daratan yang damai
Ohhh cintaku

Disisimu aku terdiam seribu bahasa
dihatiku bergetar sejuta rasa
namun sukar untuk aku meluahkan
kucinta padamu

Nafasku terhenti bila melihat dirimu
terasa batas degupan jantungku ini
mungkinkah hatimu milikku jua
kusayang padamu

Aku coretkan kenanganmu
dalam sanubariku ini
agar jadi yang terindah
dalam hidupku ini



p/s:sepantas cahaya.