Tuesday, June 14, 2011

to-do-list

things to do until the beginning of August

1.lab
2.lab report
3.lab exams
4.classes
5.mock pharmacy rehearsal
6.mock pharmacy test
7.drug therapy exam
8.lab again
9.along with final exams,11 papers(and jadual pun tak keluar2,baru tau 3 paper je bila)
10.and lab report
11.lab exam lagi
12.repeat paper for the final exam(mesti kena punya)
13.this is quite important.TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT!(im fat,like really fat compared to these skinny japanese girls arghhh sakit hati,dorg makan mcm ape je byk jugak jugak.i think im a freak now.with the ipod app i wrote down whatever ive eat,all the exercises and do the calorie counting strictly,kalau boleh hari2 nak bawah 1000kcal,tp mmg tipu r kan bley hari2 mcm tu)
14.to practice the guitar(not so important,i can skip this)

you know.sometimes i do hate my life!

kenapa mid term habis 25hb 6 tapi final start 11 hb 7?
kenapa masa final nak kena ade lab n kelas jugak,n lab report,n lab exam?
kenapa ada lab report yg nak kena handwitten but instead of lab report sahaja,kena pulak tulis pasal 35 jenis herba punya details?35 okay,bukan 10 ke.like WHAAAATTTT????!!!
padahal ade exam kot masa tu.
tak boleh ke jadik lebih considerable?duhh-_-"

kenapa paper english nak kena translate dari english pergi japanese?
i dont wanna be a translator.
and i dont even know,if my mark sucks,is that because my english,or my japanese?
perhaps both?
yeah,mmg english mmg semakin tahi dah kalau tak guna,lepastu asik nak kena translate je.
kalau suruh translate pergi bm pun belum tentu boleh buat.
we're not trained to be a translator,and i seriously dont have that skill.

and for some people yg suka kata student kat oversea suka dok perabih duit kerajaan,try meh datang sini tgk how stress you can be,especially if its not an english-speaking country.well,kalau kena campak kat UK sekali pun belum tentu lagi aku cemerlang kan.

its just,stressful.i really wanna learn n study something dalam bahasa ibunda that is malay bukan english pun.how lucky these japanese are that they can learn every single thing in their own language.in fact org dtg negara dia kena belajar bahasa dia.

and its actually reallly stressful.people might say im lucky because i know about 3.2 language;malay,english,japanese,and the other 0.2 might be my korean.tapiiii...bukannya completely fluent pun english and japanese tu.

i just hate the fact that i cant fully understand what the lecturers,the books,the other people said 100%.yup kalau blaja bm pun belum tentu 100% but atleast,when you read it,lagi senang nak melekat kat otak compared to foreign language.

it's soo tiring bila baca buku,other than you memorize the content.you need to also memorize the sentence,and even for japanese lang.u need to memorize the kanji(go google it if you dont know what it is).kalau satu nama disease nak ada sampai 8ketul kanji,yep,i'll end up memorize onle half of it,or maybe semuanya hafal,tapi susunan tunggang langgang.

stress.utk mock pharmacy,kena berckp dgn patient as if you're really a pharmacist.the language barrier really freak me out.memanglah kalau takat borak2 ngan kawan tu boleh,tapi bukan semuanya paham pun.and what if i miss the important part that the patient trying to say to me,what if i cant understand what he/she said?what if she cant understand what im trying to say?what if i cant read the prescription?

everytime when i need to be in group for a presentation or whatever it is,i feel like im suck a burdened for the others.i cant really present fluently in japanese,unless its just reading the text,itupun tersangkut2.

i hate being a burdened to another person.
i hate my stupid,learnt-but-forget look.
i hate it when what achieve doesnt meet my expectation,or other people expectation.
sometime,i really feel stupid.

can i really pass the 6th year entrance exam?can i really be a good pharmacist in the future
sedangkan sekarang pun tiap kali belajar,lepas exam,lupa,dahlah tu,blajar pun bukan sumenye ingat.

im,actually,really,afraid of what will i need to go through in the future.fikir je pun dah penat.you will say'stop complaining and do your work!'

i know,complaining doesnt make anything better,but at least give me some space to express what i feel.

sometime,i do regret,why did i choose to study pharmacy,kat jepun lagi.because it scholarship?yes.i dont wanna use my parents money since the other 5 siblings are still in school.to look cool?maybe.because i love medic?definitely not,in fact i feel like fainting tgk darah byk2 or surgery ke.because i hate physic?this is another yes.i dont think my neurons can digest all the physic theories.i really suck at physic.

tapi, its the way that ive chose.i know,i need to accept that.usaha,doa,tawakal..but because im just a normal human being,yang bukannya maksum.i do have thousands of weakness.antaranya 1.i complained,2.i do feel alone,i need someone to talk with,3.i do feel tired.banyak lagi takkan nak list semua kang sampai esok tak habis tulis.

i might look confident,but im not.
i might look like i need no shoulder,but im not.
the confidence level goes up...and down..up and down...
i even envy my friends that study in Msia,semua sibuk mengejar dekan,while me,nak pass pun nyawa2 ikan.60 marks to pass isnt a joke.

i do feel tired on this long journey.a lot more to go.can i rest for a bit?can someone please lend me your shoulder so that i can lean on you for a while?

complaining,thats all you can do.
enough,amalia.
back to your work.

p/s:힘들어...

8 comments:

r u l e ~ said...

belajar kat Msia pun stressful jugak.but be strong je lah.every effort will be paid in the future.insyaAlah.for now, sabar & usaha je okay :)

*kesian gak dekat kau hari2 mengeluh kat twitter tapi kau kan pandai.use that one wisely.good luck amal :)

wahana3115803 said...

tulah aku tau je even balaja kat msia pun sama je belum tentu sangat3 cemerlang,tapi aku jeles jugak bila org dok dekan2 bagai,aku ape ade?aih...

saba je la...

eika said...

Liaa be strong!!!! there's always huge and challenging ups and downs being a student! be strong!! mwaaah!

cik fazilah said...

betul tu rule, saye pun kesian tengok akak asyik mengeluh. Allah lebih tau ape untuk kite kak. sabar okay. sekarang budak yang dapat 10A pun tak dapat scholarship sebab kerajaan kurang peruntukan. akak lupe kan tekanan tu, and mule fikir betape bertuah nye akak dapat belajar sane. jangan cepat mengalah, akak kuat :)

cucutokjanggut said...

salam wbt..

amalia.. akak baca je pun dah stress >.<

....

ain amin said...

rindu kau lah :)

Lady said...

aah betul gila bab sakit hati tak faham ape lecturer ajar. like OMG cakap ape niii... and lagi sakit hati bila dia ajar dalam English tapi tak dapat catch up apa dia cakap like .................. T0T

aynie said...

wowww . u're my idol ~ i really admire u since u're able to study in japan . 4 ur information , i'm one of all the kpop fans . ^^ . nice to know u .