right now,i just cant find any word to console my own heart.
for the 3 years and a half onward starting from next week,i can only come home at 8/9/10 pm everyday after doing all the experiments and research,everyday classes from 840/1010 am,twice/three times a month of saturday's seminar that may end at 6/7 pm,no public holiday,a month and a half spring holidays that has been shorten to a week,a month and a half summer holidays that has been shorten to 2 weeks,that means no vacation,no raya,no friends,no family,everything.
do i have any time for myself?i wanna do lots of things.i wanna talk a walk in the evening at the park,i wanna take a beautiful picture,i wanna sing,i wanna go shopping,i wanna bake myself a cake,i wanna learn how to cook properly,i wanna watch tv,i wanna have a vacation around japan,i wanna go home and see my family,my friends,i wanna laugh as much as i can,i wanna be a human,not a living robot with no friends,no heart.
but now i can only imagine myself cycling on the cold road alone,in the night,as soon as i reach home,i might even dont have any strength to prepare a meal for myself.
it's just too hard to think positively.by only think about it,i cant even breath properly.it feels like im trapped in a chamber,with no way no go out.
for 3 years and a half,3 years and a half...is not a short period.
Japan,you're being so mean to me.please unbreak my heart.you've already make me cry so much.